After much discussion and an in-depth tri-partisan Blue Ribbon Panel Investigation lasting 72 hours, the White House today released it’s findings on the 8 Terrorist attacks in the last 6 months of the year:

1.The last Administration is responsible for not doing enough or doing too much depending on what was done.
2.Calling the Terrorists, well Terrorists, has hurt their itty bitty little feelings and made them “madder than a wet hen”.
3.All of the individuals involved have used, gasp, letters in their names. Some have even had the audacity to use multiple vowels!
4.Many have used garments to conceal and/or disguise the tools being used to perpetuate said “Domestic Badness”.

In order to discourage the “Really Bad Badness”, the following Executive Order has been put forth:

“By virtue of the authority vested in me as President by myself, the Chicago Political Machine and the Hope and Change Committee, including whichever statute and non-verified International Treaty that We call upon as an Independent Ruling Body, it is hereby ordered that:

1.All Administration Officials whom have served from  August 4th, 1961 forward and had the audacity to pass laws allowing for anything other than what I have deemed acceptable (except for the Officials currently serving in the House or Senate which support my Agenda), be removed from office.

2.No longer will we refer to the “T” word. Now we shall use “Bad Guys” (BG) in referring to the individuals who do “Bad Stuff” (BS).

3.All Global Citizens who use letters in their name, especially if multiple vowels are used, shall be placed upon the “Super-Dee-Duper Watch List” (SDDWL). (With the following exceptions of whom will be placed on the “Not Super-Dee-Super Watch List” (NSDDWL): CIA, FBI, POTUS, ACLU, ACORN, SIEU, etc.)

4.No individual, no matter what their status, who has been placed upon the SDDWL will be allowed to wear garments that are concealing in any manner.

The above decrees are not intended to abridge in any respect the privileges, exemptions or immunities which such Global Citizens may have acquired or may acquire by international agreement or by Congressional action. Those shall be “null and void” due to the power invested in me and because We said so.

Ba3ack 0bama
December 30, 2009
Hawaii”

Now off with their heads!

What? You mean we can’t do that? We had to put it before the quotation marks? Okay Rahm, if you say so… Can I still be “We”?